“He wrote it in the letter.
He said you were sick.”
“I had surgery last month.
I’m recovering.
It’s — I’ll be okay.
It’s just been a hard few weeks.”
“Do you have people around you?”
“My neighbor has been helping with Daniel.
And my friend Karen.
We’re managing.”
“Okay.” I exhaled slowly.
“I’m glad.”
“Can I ask you something?” Diane said.
“Yes.”
“Did you know?
Before the letter?”
“No.”
“I’m sorry.” And she sounded it — genuinely, without qualification.
“I thought about reaching out to him when I found out he was sick.
I didn’t know if it would make things worse.”
“It might have,” I said honestly.
“I don’t know.”
“He never met Daniel,” she said.
“I want you to know that.
I’m not — I wasn’t trying to hide Daniel from him exactly, but after a while it felt like the window had closed.
And then I heard he had gotten married, and I thought —” She stopped.
“I don’t know what I thought.”
“Can I ask what Daniel knows?”
“He knows his father was sick and that he passed away.
He doesn’t know much more than that.
He’s five.
I’ve been trying to figure out what to tell him.”
I looked out the window at the grey November garden.
The roses Mark had planted along the fence were bare now, just brown canes and thorns.
“Would it be all right if I came to see you?” I said.
“Not to make any decisions.
Just to meet you.
And Daniel, if he’s comfortable.
I’m not trying to insert myself into your life.
I just — I made a promise.
Even if I didn’t know I was making it.”
Diane was quiet for a moment.
“You’re pregnant,” she said suddenly.
“Mark mentioned — in one of his messages, early on, when he first found out he was sick.
He said his wife was pregnant.”
“Due in four weeks.”
“And you’re still doing this.”
“I’m trying to figure out what doing this even means,” I said.
“I don’t have a plan.
I just have a letter.”
She let out a breath that was almost a laugh.
“Okay,” she said.
“Come on Saturday.
I’ll make coffee.
Daniel will probably show you every toy he owns within the first ten minutes, so prepare yourself.”
I felt something shift in my chest.
Not relief exactly.
Something quieter than that.
“Saturday,” I said.
“Thank you, Diane.”
After I hung up, I sat for a long time without moving.
Then Ruth knocked on the front door.
I could see her through the glass panel — her coat, her grey hair, the way she was holding herself very still the way people do when they’re not sure of their welcome.
I opened the door.
“I’m not ready to forgive you,” I said.
“But come in.”
She came in.
She didn’t say anything.
She sat down at the kitchen table and folded her hands and waited.
That was the right thing to do.
It didn’t fix anything.
But it was the right thing.
Diane lived in a small house on a quiet street with a green front door and a plastic tricycle parked beside the porch steps.
I sat in my car for a moment before going in.
My back ached.
My ankles were swollen.
I was thirty-eight weeks pregnant and driving across the city to meet the son my husband had never acknowledged, and I had absolutely no idea what I was doing.
I got out of the car.
Diane answered the door before I could knock.
She was smaller than I expected — slight, with dark circles under her eyes that spoke of the surgery and the weeks since.
But she held herself straight, and her handshake was firm.
“Come in,” she said.
“He’s in the living room.
I told him a friend of his daddy’s was coming to visit.”
The living room was warm and a little cluttered in the way that children’s spaces always are — a basket of toy cars, a stack of picture books, a drawing taped to the wall that appeared to be either a dog or a very enthusiastic cloud.
Daniel was sitting on the rug with a set of wooden blocks, building something with great concentration.
He looked up when I walked in.
Mark’s eyes.
Mark’s exact eyes — the particular shade of grey-green, the slight downward tilt at the outer corners.
It hit me somewhere behind the sternum.
“Hi,” he said.
“Hi,” I said.
“I’m Sarah.”
“I’m Daniel.” He held up the structure he’d been building.
“This is a rocket.”
